Hopelessly Hopeful
by IsabellaMarieCullen3
Summary: Bella lives in forks with her mother, Renee, but Renee isn't all she's made out to be. Between the abuse from her and her "friend" Bella turns to cutting. Will Edward, the new kid, be able to help her? Or will him and his family turn a blind eye? *Mentions of rape/abuse and suicide/cutting*
1. Chapter 1

**Okay guys, I haven't been on here in quite some time and I've decided to start fresh. I hope you enjoy this story. Any feedback would be great! Let me know if you would like me to keep writing! Remember to read and review!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, Stephanie Myers does.**

* * *

 **Hopelessly Hopeful**

 **Chapter1**

Relief. Relief is what I felt as I took the blade to my wrist. It was like all my hurts and pains were flowing out of me through my blood. "Just a little deeper," I told myself. I sighed contently as I did just that. This was what I needed after a night like tonight. Slowly I pulled myself back to reality, feeling the hot water hit my skin, as I watched the diluted blood go down the drain

I stepped out of the shower, quickly grabbing my towel as the cool air hit my warm body. I tended to my new wounds on my shoulder that I had added to my hundred scars. I had done this many times before, so I knew just how to take care of things. I tried to avoid looking in the mirror, but I caught a glimpse of my face. I was pale, and somber looking…lifeless, but what caught my eye the most was the small bruise appearing on my left cheek, just below my eye. "I guess she did hit me harder than I thought." I said to myself. This wasn't the first time, so I wasn't too surprised.

I wrapped my towel around me, tiptoeing to my room. I didn't want to wake her. Tomorrow was my first day of my Junior year of High School. Most girls my age would be up right now trying to pick out the perfect outfit. I, however, tried to picket the one that would hide the most scars and bruises. The bruise on my face would be a bit more difficult to cover up though. After going through my closet, I settled on my favorite pair of jeans, a plain t-shirt, and my grey hoodie. I figured that would do the job.

I glanced at the clock, noticing the hour. 1:16 am. Knowing I should probably get some sleep, I slipped on my P.J's, claimed in bed, and slowly drifted off into my other nightmare. The one inside my head.

 _Running. I was running for my life. I just knew he was going to get me, but I kept running. I looked behind me to see how close he was, but he wasn't there. Then I heard it. The gun…_

I woke up in sweat, with tears still running down my face. "Breathe" I told myself. My heart was beating so fast that I thought it was going to explode. I tried to calm myself. "It was just a dream." I repeated

"Bella! Its time to get up. You have school in an hour, damn it!" I heard my mother scream.

"I'm up!" I yelled back, a little annoyed. I was almost 17 and she still thinks I can't get up on my own. I scrambled around, packing up my backpack, not forgetting my blades. I went to the mirror, grabbed my make up and started to cover up the bruise she left last night. As soon as I was ready, I ran downstairs, grabbed a breakfast bar, and headed out the door.

Part of me was excited for school. I loved to learn. But part of me was nervous, mostly about the fact that people were going to be there. Especially certain people. Don't get me wrong, it's not people that I don't like, it's just the fact that I'm not exactly the most accepted person around school. I don't have many friends, and the friends I do have aren't really close, but I make do.

I pulled up to the parking lot, finding a close spot. I'm usually always early. I picked up my schedule; my first hour was English, one of my favorite subjects. As I walked to class, I ran into a couple of my friends. Jessica was excited and so was Angela, as they both walked around, comparing schedules. Angela had to be my favorite of all my friends. We aren't close, but we get each other. Like me, she quiet and shy, and keeps to herself. I did my best to cover my bruise with my hair, but it still got a question from Angela.

"What happened to your face?" Angela said, moving the hair away from my eyes.

I looked down and sighed. "I think you have an idea, Ang."

"Her again?" I just nodded. Thankfully the conversation was ended by the interruption.

"Oh my god, did you see the new kids? That one with the bronze curly hair is so hot! I call dibs on him." Jessica said running up to me

"Jess, aren't you with Mike?" I said, laughing and stating the obvious.

"Well yeah, but I still call dibs."

Angela and I laughed looking at each other. Jessica was always going for the hot guys, even though she was happily in a relationship with her boyfriend, Mike. Mike and her had been going strong for almost a year now, and while she drooled over cute boys, she would never cheat on Mike

Angela and I walked together to English, excited that we had it together. She went and sat in the back with her boyfriend Ben, and I sat in the desk behind her. We were early, so people were still filling in. I was organizing my binder when I first saw him. The guy Jessica was talking about. He was pale, and had the most attractive bronze, curly hair. But the thing that caught my eye the most were his eyes, they were almost the color of an emerald. A brilliant green.

I snapped out of my staring episode when his eyes met mind. I lowered my head, feeling my face getting flushed. I heard him walking closer; I looked up and saw him set in the desk next to me.

"Hello, my name is Edward Cullen," he said as he sat down. His smile was brilliant.

"Um, hi Edward. I'm Bella, Bella Swan." I finally managed to get out, forcing a small smile with it.

"Nice to meet you Bella." he said as he turned around, facing the front.

The class went by quickly, as we went over the same old introduction and syllabus. However, I could feel Edward's eyes on me the whole time. I tried to keep my head down, and make sure my hair covered most of my bruise. When the bell rung, Angela and I quickly gathered our things and headed out the door. Angela was ahead of me though, with Ben and her holding hands. I smiled. She deserved happiness.

"So what did you think? Think you'll like the class?" I was stopped, spinning around to see that it was Edward who was asking me.

"Um, yeah. I guess. I mean it will kind of be boring since I've already read most of the material, but English is my favorite subject." I smiled, trying my hardest to be social, and friendly. It was hard sometimes though.

"Yeah, me too. Hamlet was my favorite though."

"Yeah, that's a good one."

"Well, this is my stop. It was nice meeting you, and I guess I'll see you tomorrow?" He asked as we stopped in front of what I was assuming as his next class.

"Yup, I'll be there." I smiled as I continued walking.

The day went by semi-quick. As the final bell rang, I walked out to my car. To my surprise, Edward had parked next to me and was walking toward his.

"We meet again." He said flashing that brilliant smile.

"Yes, I guess we do." I looked up at him and that's when he saw. His smile suddenly went dead.

"Hey, what happened to your face?" He asked

I tried to laugh and play it off, "Oh yeah, I fell down my stairs the other day. Hit my face. I'm pretty clumsy."

" Well you should be more careful," He said being completely serious. "You know, my dad's the new doctor in town, I could have him look at it for you."

"Nah, it's okay. Looks worse than it is. But thanks."

"Okay, if you insist. Before you leave though, is there any way I could get your number? Maybe we could hang out sometime."

I felt my knees go weak for a second, wondering why this very attractive guy would ask me of all people for my phone number. At first I wondered if it was some kind of joke, but seeing his face made me give in. "Um yeah, let me write it down." I said as I grabbed a pen and paper from my backpack, scribbling my numbers on a torn sheet. "Here."

"Thanks, I'll text you later then?" He said as he started getting in his car.

"Um yeah, talk to you later." I waved as he pulled off. I got in my old beat up truck, trying to absorb what had just happened. I couldn't help but smile though. However, my smile quickly faded as soon as I thought about what my mom or..he would say if they new about him. The thought made me sick to my stomach. I pushed that thought aside, starting up my car, and heading home.

She was already home when I pulled up. I knew right then and there that it was a bad sign. She was never home this early, unless something was wrong. I took a deep breath as I got out of my car and headed to the front door. I unlocked it, walking it.

"Mom? Are you home?" I called out, as she was not in sight. That's when I heard it. His voice. I knew this wasn't going to be a good night.

"Honey, come see who came to see you," she said. My stomach felt like it was being tied in knots. I knew what this meant, and I knew that there was no way out of it. Fear rocked my whole body, and I tried to push it aside when I saw him walk around the corner.

* * *

 **What did you think? Let me know if you want more! I'm gonna try to write some more tonight. Read and review for me! And if any of you need anyone to talk to, just know that I'm here for you. My inbox is always open. :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys! Thanks for all the feedback! I really appreciate it! :) Keep letting me know if you like it, it just motivates me to update quicker! Reminder that this chapter does have some intense parts, so if you're sensitive to that subject, it might not be a good idea to read. Anyways, I hope you enjoy it as much as I'm enjoying writing it.**

 **Disclaimer: Stephanie Myers owns the characters**

* * *

 **Hopelessly Hopeful**

 **Chapter 2**

Why did he have to be here? I mean tonight of all nights. I still can remember the first time I met him…

 _I was 8. I had just started third grade and I was more excited than ever. I was about to be 9! One more year away from double digits. We had just moved to Forks, Washington, in a nice little neighborhood. We were still getting to know the neighbors, when this older man walked up. He was in his late 50's, early 60's. His gray hair had receded, and he wore old jeans and a buttoned shirt that looked like it had been worn for many years. He lived in the house across from us. I was outside with Renee, riding my bike up and down the street when he approached me. He held out his hand and I shook it with my tiny one. "I'm Billy, and what's your name baby girl?"_

" _I'm Bella, and I'm almost 9!" I told the strange man excitedly._

" _Only one more year and you'll be in the double digits!" The man exclaimed. I beamed up at him. He understood._

The house was quiet; too quiet. It was almost an eerie feeling, like the ones you get right before something bad happens

They were waiting for me in my bedroom. I knew he had already paid Renee and my body was basically his now. "Are you ready, baby girl?" I hear him say. I whimpered and closed my eyes. I heard Renee walk out of the room, closing and locking the door behind her. His body moved toward mine, and he led me to the bed. I opened my eyes, only allowing myself to look at the ceiling as I imagined that i was in a place far away from him. While my body felt all of his touches, my mind was distant. I knew this was the only way to handle it, as he had raped me many times before.

By the time he was done, it was already dark outside. I laid in my bed, wide awake before I finally gave in and grabbed the box underneath my bed. I opened it and reach for the thing I needed the most; my blade. This time I had no desire to hide it, as I gave in and made four parallel cuts on my wrist. The thoughts stopped as I watched my blood flow from my wrist. Tears of relief left my eyes and I finally drifted off into sleep.

I groaned as I opened my eyes from sleep. I sighed, slipping on my house shoes and walking to the restroom to examine the damage done from last night's episode. Sure enough, I had bruises on my collar, and my cuts had re-opened. This was going to be difficult to hide with my make up.

"Bella! Get your ass down here right now!" I heard Renee scream. I knew this had to be about last night. I must have done something wrong. I always do

I quickly gathered myself as I ran down the stairs into the kitchen where Renee was. She looked pissed, and not just the kind of pissed you get when your kids forget to start the dishwasher, pissed like someone had just murdered her dog pissed.

"Yeah, mom?" Even though I didn't like to call her "mom," she refused to be called anything else. It was some sick fantasy of hers if I had to guess.

 _Smack_

Her hand hit me right across my cheek, and hard. I heard it before I actually felt it. The taste of blood came next, as my lip busted open. I instinctively grabbed my face with my hand, trying to register what just happened. Even though I had been hit in the face before, it still never ceased to shock me when she did it. I didn't have time to recover by the time the next blow came, this time pushing me down on the floor.

"You UNGRATEFUL little BITCH." She scream as she started kicking me. I did my best to try and turn myself into a ball so they didn't hurt quite as bad, but it didn't seem to help. She was relentless. "You think you can just whore around and get away with it, but you can't. No man will ever want someone as disgusting as you. Remember how worthless you are, Bella. Now get up!"

I had heard this speech many times before, but it didn't stop the sting of each word she said. What had I done to make her hate me so much? I just didn't understand it. I did my best to stand up on my own two feet but it was hard. Her force did some damage, I could already tell, and I had to be to school soon.

"Now go figure out how to hide that face before you go to school." She said as she walked out the door, slamming it behind her.

The tears came as soon as she left. I let out a sob that was waiting to escape from my chest. Why? Why does life have to be this way? I knew I had to go get ready or I was going to be late to school, so I went upstairs and did my best to try and cover the bruises with my make up. It wasn't the best job, but at least it wasn't as noticeable.

I rushed out to my truck, and headed to school. The first bell had already rang by the time I pulled up, so I sprinted to English. Thankfully I made it in time, knowing Renee would have a fit if I was even a minute late to class. As I walked in, I kept my head down and my sweatshirt close around me and headed toward my seat in the back near Angela. Edward was surprisingly still sitting in the seat next to me.

"Bella, what happened?" I heard Angela whisper as soon as I sat down. Angela didn't know a whole lot, but she still managed to put together the puzzle pieces. "I was afraid when you didn't show up in our normal spot this morning."

"Sorry Ang, long night and rough morning." I shrugged my shoulders, feeling the pain shoot down my arm. She must have kicked me pretty hard there, because I winced.

"You have to get out of there.." was all Angela managed to get out before the teacher started class.

I tried not to pay too much attention to Edward, but it was hard not to. His eyes seemed to stay on me throughout the class and I couldn't figure out why. I kept my hair in front of my face and my hoodie zipped up, trying my hardest to hid the majority of the bruises. As soon as the teacher started writing on the board, Edward slipped a piece of paper toward me.

 _Are you okay? I don't mean to pry, but I noticed the bruises…is everything alright?_

I felt the blood drain from my face and my body turn cold. He suspected something was going on. He couldn't know. I quickly scribbled my response to him:

 _Yeah I'm fine. Thank you for your concern though. Just clumsy._

I watched out of the corner of my eye as he read it. He crumbled the piece of paper and turned his attention to the teacher. I guess that would hold him off for now. I sighed in relief. Angela already knew too much, and I couldn't risk anyone else getting suspicious.

Class when by slowly, and I was ready by the time the bell rang. I quickly grabbed my stuff and headed for the door. Edward had already left in front of me, so I was glad to have no confrontation with him.

I walked to my next class, keeping my head down like always, when I felt someone grab my arm and pull me into an empty classroom.

"What the.." I started to say when I looked up and saw that it was Edward. "What are you doing?" I asked, a little nervous at this point. Edward just looked down, confused and a little shocked. I looked down where he was and realized that he was looking at my arm. He had reopened the cuts when he grabbed me and now I had started bleeding.

"Bella, are you okay? You're bleeding." He said as he grabbed my arm. I tried to prepare for what he was going to do next but it happened to fast.

"Edward, don't.."I managed to get out but he had already seen. The cuts and the scars were exposed. I quickly yanked my arm away and pulled my sleeve down. "Please, don't tell…"

"You…cut yourself? Bella, let me see so I can help. They looked pretty deep. My dad can help…he's a doctor. But Bella…why? Why would you do this to yourself? Are you trying to kill yourself?" His questions came quick, his eyes glued to my face, but I kept looking down, avoiding to see the disgust that I knew he saw when he looked at me.

"I have to go." And I ran. I ran out to the parking lot, into the woods on the other side of the school, and tried to breathe. I could feel the wetness in my eyes as I cried. I couldn't believe that someone had found out. I had tried so hard to keep it a secret, but I had failed.

"Bella!" I heard Edward yell in the distance. Had he followed me? What possessed him to follow me? Was he going to hurt me? He was going to hurt me. I just knew it. My breathing started getting heavier and faster, my heart was beating a hundred miles an hour, and my vision was getting blurry. I couldn't get a good breath in and before I knew it I passed out.

* * *

Remember to Read and Review! Let me know what you think guys. Thanks for the feedback. Also, I'm here if anyone needs to talk. My ask is always open.


End file.
